This Is Real Life

I am once again trying the blog thing. Like seriously, with all of my heart, I long to consistently blog and write. But life, ya know...... it kind of gets in the way, right? I am currently sitting on a balcony at the beach listening to the waves of the ocean. That is not my real life. I mean it is this weekend, but come tomorrow I will head back to what is my daily real life. The life that is totally not what I had planned out for myself and my family.

But God, right?

Why do I want to write about real life? What do I want to accomplish?

Above everything else I am a Christ follower. I want to live for Jesus more than I want to do anything else. I also want to do it perfectly. I want to get up at 4am with my coffee and spend the next three hours reading my Bible and praying. Sitting here right now I can picture it. It looks so pretty in my head. That is NOT real life. The unrealistic expectations and perfectionism that I battle all too frequently make me feel like a failure on a daily basis especially in this area. Most days real life looks like oversleeping (I mean past when I expect myself to get up) hopping in the shower and asking God to be with my husband and my kids through the day. Running through my devotions and Bible reading and also wanting to pound my head into a wall because I just can't get up as early as I want to. Then I head to our non-profit ministry and I pray for the porch that we are on and for protection from any violence in the neighborhood. It looks nothing like I want it to, but I'm trusting for that grace that everyone talks about and that Jesus understands that this is my current real life.

I am a new Lawly. My grandson is 6 months old. He is the most precious human being that I have ever met outside of my own four children. My battle with my expectations and my real life collide right here as well. As my kids were growing up you kind of get in your head what life will look like and then real life happens and it looks NOTHING like you thought it would. I always assumed that I would be a hovering grandma invading my children's homes to grab moments with their kid (my son and his wife are probably happy that real life doesn't look like that). Here is real life. I have a four year old. I have a non-profit ministry. Both of things were not in the plans when I was picturing what grandparenthood would look like. I wouldn't change either thing (most days). But honestly getting adjusted to a new normal and putting a different picture in my head is hard sometimes. So now, I will take as many Facetime calls as I can get. I will be thankful for the weekend trips that we can take. I will be appreciative that they just live a few states away and not a few countries away.

I am in full-time ministry that isn't called full-time ministry. It's really just living life. The difference is that a lot of my people are battling addiction, poverty, or facing some type of major thing in their life. It's hard.....I hear about a shooting and I worry that it's someone I know. I hear about an overdose and I worry it's someone I know. It is definitely not the real life that I expected at this point in the game. But God called us here and we said yes! I have to believe that even on the really hard days that He's in charge and He will keep leading us. This "ministry" isn't a 9to5. It isn't a "client based" thing. These are real people that we are doing real life with. They have 24 hour access to us (that could be the reason that I can't get up at 4am. LOL). We are friends. I don't have ReBUILD friends and non-ReBUILD friends. There are not dividing lines in my life. I have friends.


Here are the answers to my questions above:
I want people to see that while saying yes to God is hard and not always fun it is the only way to live. I will not sugarcoat or BS about anything. I will write with as much transparency and authenticity as I possibly can. People don't need anymore fluff. They need the courage to live out their real life. Even when it doesn't look like what they "dreamed" it would look like.

Stay tuned for more THIS IS REAL LIFE.